You just can’t say it

Sometimes there are things that you just can’t say it. Your feelings that you can’t express or show to your loved ones; closest people to your heart. People who truly love you or care about you they expect you to speak your thoughts out and share with them but sometimes it’s just impossible. I often wonder why?

There is always a moment when you regret your decisions well at least I have lots of it but even at that time  you can’t go on saying to anybody that you regret your own decision because we are very well aware of it that if we do so people will only blame you technically it is correct but still who knew that it would come to this point.

It is quite hard for me say what’s really inside my head and it pisses me off to admit it. Whenever I’m sad or crying I always seek answers from my dad don’t know why? I hope for something positive. People say that I’m very honest, my eyes and even my expressions are honest. One can come to know whether I’m mad or happy. It’s actually quite bothering and huge disadvantage because I hate telling other people my personal stuff or sharing any of it. I hate it when the other person figures it out. I don’t like telling people my problems so when one does know it irritates me; it makes me angrier.

I got married recently on 4th February 2015. Everything went smooth and great. My wedding event was grand so overall  I was happy but then I had to leave mother,  my house come to this strange different place and adjust into it. His family, his friends, his house, his place OMG. First day at his place hell lot of people gathered and everybody’s eyes were at me honestly speaking I hate crowd; I hate when people stare at me. It was weird. All of a sudden it became too much for me to handle or digest in and at the end I exploded in short started crying.

After a while I got sick badly viral fever because of change in climate. Somehow I’m better now. Here everything is so different and I’m still scared.

I’m always clueless I just don’t know what to do. I mean yeah I wanted to get married to the one I love but now when think of it getting married was THE WORST DECISION EVER. It’s not about only this guy it’s about all the guys. I don’t wanna get married EVER. Now isn’t it too late?

I did whatever I could everything in my power to make him and his family happy but AM I HAPPY? WHY SHOULD I OR WHY DO I HAVE TO THINK  ABOUT OTHERS FIRST WHY CANNOT I JUST THINK ABOUT MYSELF FIRST AND BE SELFISH? WAS GETTING MARRIED REALLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO/RIGHT SOLUTION TO MY PROBLEMS? DID I MAKE A MISTAKE?

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